Creating Family
Creating a sense of family can be a real challenge if you are called to a church that has had numerous youth pastors over the last several years. I had this very real challenge when I began my ministry in Rockford, IL and then again when we moved to Atlanta.
The first step in creating a sense of family in this environment is to not make promises you don't intend to keep. I didn't promise them that I was going to be there forever, but I did say, "I know what you've gone through here (and I said the elephant in the room) I understand you don't want to trust anybody because everybody leaves so quickly and they probably all promised they weren't going to leave. All I'm telling you is, you have my word, I'm here for a whole lot longer than they stayed. I can't promise you I'm never going to leave, but I think I can comfortably promise you "x," years" (whatever that is for you). To some of my kids I just promised them I would be there until they graduated high school. I was in Rockford for 13 years and at The Tabernacle in Atlanta for 8 years, before moving to Victory World Church 7 years ago.
Then gather your key influencers at a "Paul Revere" meeting because they will help turn the acceptance and trust level of you much quicker. You need to realize that it's going to probably take 18 months for you to begin to feel accepted. Your task is to just keep not taking the rejection personally and that's really hard, but keep reaching out. If you earn their hearts and their trust and you say the elephant in the room you will eventually be able to create a warm "youth family" for your kids.
Creating a sense of family can be a real challenge if you are called to a church that has had numerous youth pastors over the last several years. I had this very real challenge when I began my ministry in Rockford, IL and then again when we moved to Atlanta.
The first step in creating a sense of family in this environment is to not make promises you don't intend to keep. I didn't promise them that I was going to be there forever, but I did say, "I know what you've gone through here (and I said the elephant in the room) I understand you don't want to trust anybody because everybody leaves so quickly and they probably all promised they weren't going to leave. All I'm telling you is, you have my word, I'm here for a whole lot longer than they stayed. I can't promise you I'm never going to leave, but I think I can comfortably promise you "x," years" (whatever that is for you). To some of my kids I just promised them I would be there until they graduated high school. I was in Rockford for 13 years and at The Tabernacle in Atlanta for 8 years, before moving to Victory World Church 7 years ago.
Then gather your key influencers at a "Paul Revere" meeting because they will help turn the acceptance and trust level of you much quicker. You need to realize that it's going to probably take 18 months for you to begin to feel accepted. Your task is to just keep not taking the rejection personally and that's really hard, but keep reaching out. If you earn their hearts and their trust and you say the elephant in the room you will eventually be able to create a warm "youth family" for your kids.
Related Items
I recorded this Youth Leader's Coach quite some time ago, but I'm including it in the Playbook because it marked the beginning of an exciting new chapter in my ministry. We had just recently made the move to Sacramento, CA and I had accepted the role of "Director of Student Ministries." So even though I was over 50 at the time, once again, I started from "ground zero."
Charting the growth of a youth ministry from the beginnings can definitely be an overwhelming charge, however there are some simple concepts that can make the journey much easier and effective. As I started this new season, I paused to reflect on some basic, but essential, principles that I put into action in Sacramento.
Even if you're not starting out in a new youth ministry, you can still apply these concepts to your current youth ministry. All of them serve as guidelines to take any youth ministry to the next level. As you take this hour just to listen and reflect on these principles, may you be captured once more, by God's "heart" in reaching this generation of youth. We really do have the greatest "job" in the world!
Lovingly,
If your calendar could speak, what would it say? If you look at a typical youth pastor's weekly schedule, often times you'll find a great deal of time being spent creating a "fast-paced, high-tech, entertaining youth service." However, according to Group Publishing's "Cool Church Survey" of 10,000 students, it ranked dead last in the importance of 10 factors that influence a student's commitment to church.
What was #1? "A welcoming atmosphere where you can be yourself." So, in this Youth Leader's Coach, listen in on seven strategic elements in building a Christ-honoring, welcoming environment. Refuse to fail at this youth ministry success test, choose instead to up the ante when it comes to the friendship/family tenor of your ministry.
All in,
Unfortunately, we live in a society of broken families. Instead of being surrounded with unconditional love and acceptance, teenagers often face homes devastated by divorce and absent parents, or houses filled with arguments and discord. With such shattered trust in today's youth, there has never been a greater need to be more than just a spiritual leader, but rather, a spiritual parent.
So, we must stop and ask ourselves if our ministry is a safe place where these teenagers do feel loved and accepted. Is family a part of our youth group's heartbeat? Listen in to this Youth Leader's Coach, "Cultivating The Father Heart Of God In Your Leadership," as I share my heart on becoming a conduit of the Father Heart of God in your own life and youth ministry.
Lovingly,
This iVolunteer resource is a COACHING RESOURCE for volunteer youth leaders who want to be the BEST they can be!
Group Magazine did a survey of 10,000 youth and young adults, asking them what the #1 thing was they were looking for in a church. The top answer from an overwhelming majority was "a welcoming, warm environment." The honest truth is, if you "fail the friendliness test in ministry...you've failed." This isn't surprising as we live in a culture of shallow friendships and broken families.
Often our leaders have great intentions, but they don't have a clue where to start. Listen in to this iVolunteer, "Creating A Sense Of Family In Your Ministry," as I share one of my favorite stories that will help your leaders visualize the importance of creating a sense of family. I also give them seven pragmatics to start putting steps behind launching and developing a friendship culture in your youth ministry.
Building A Family,
I like baseball! But there's one position that especially intrigues me...it's the CATCHER! Why? I sometimes wonder what's going on...in his head BEHIND THE MASK. But I often wonder the same thing in church...what's going on behind everybody's "mask"? You know...the one we easily throw on to cover up the reality of REAL LIFE for us."
In this Source I talk about the key to getting behind each other's masks...even our own. How do we do that? Through real, authentic community. Through allowing a select few to do life up-close to us through LIVING small groups, just as Jesus did in the New Testament.
Lovingly,
