"No One Wants A Real Relationship Anymore"
If you've been around me much, you've probably heard me say one of my favorite quotes on friendship, "Show me your friends...and I'll show you your future." But not too long ago, I heard the haunting line from one student, "I'd like to know where these friends are. No one wants a real relationship anymore."
In our youth ministries if we fail at creating that sense of belonging…that friendship factor…that family feeling…then we've failed the youth ministry success test. The truth is, over 50% of today's teenagers and young adults in our ministries come from broken homes and even if their family is together, there is no guarantee that there is that Happy Days feeling in their home. Sadly, media use is reaching new levels of intensity as students search for a substitute for real relationships and belonging. So it is no big wonder why youth ministries that strategically cultivate a sense of family, friendship and belonging are way more effective than youth ministries that tend to be detached.
Some simple things we can do to cultivate an atmosphere of friendship and family in our youth ministries are:
Realize that most of the cliquishness and standoffishness comes from insecurities in your teenager's life and/or lack of training. Not from pride and cliquishness like we might think. Identify your root problem.
Launch a "Point Guard Team" or "Row Hosts and Hostesses."
A youth church that prays together and plays together, stays together.
There is magic in doing some road trips, overnighters or retreats with your kids.
If you've been around me much, you've probably heard me say one of my favorite quotes on friendship, "Show me your friends...and I'll show you your future." But not too long ago, I heard the haunting line from one student, "I'd like to know where these friends are. No one wants a real relationship anymore."
In our youth ministries if we fail at creating that sense of belonging…that friendship factor…that family feeling…then we've failed the youth ministry success test. The truth is, over 50% of today's teenagers and young adults in our ministries come from broken homes and even if their family is together, there is no guarantee that there is that Happy Days feeling in their home. Sadly, media use is reaching new levels of intensity as students search for a substitute for real relationships and belonging. So it is no big wonder why youth ministries that strategically cultivate a sense of family, friendship and belonging are way more effective than youth ministries that tend to be detached.
Some simple things we can do to cultivate an atmosphere of friendship and family in our youth ministries are:
Realize that most of the cliquishness and standoffishness comes from insecurities in your teenager's life and/or lack of training. Not from pride and cliquishness like we might think. Identify your root problem.
Launch a "Point Guard Team" or "Row Hosts and Hostesses."
A youth church that prays together and plays together, stays together.
There is magic in doing some road trips, overnighters or retreats with your kids.
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Want to know what makes your students tick? Sometime privately ask them to talk to you about their relationship with their parents. Then don't preach - listen. If you do this, you'll get a powerful understanding of their struggles and their strengths.
This Source, "The Power Of Your Parents' Approval," while it might not sound exciting, is one of the most critically important messages you'll share this year. It's not a "take the hill" message, but it's one that touches so many students. Counselors tell us that there's nothing more significant in the overall formation of a teenager's life and personality than their relationship with their parents.
Don't underestimate the power of teaching your students how to sort through this area in their life. You can do so much for them by giving them an understanding of the "complete acceptance" that their Heavenly Father has for them!
Living in the "Acceptance" of Our Father,
If your calendar could speak, what would it say? If you look at a typical youth pastor's weekly schedule, often times you'll find a great deal of time being spent creating a "fast-paced, high-tech, entertaining youth service." However, according to Group Publishing's "Cool Church Survey" of 10,000 students, it ranked dead last in the importance of 10 factors that influence a student's commitment to church.
What was #1? "A welcoming atmosphere where you can be yourself." So, in this Youth Leader's Coach, listen in on seven strategic elements in building a Christ-honoring, welcoming environment. Refuse to fail at this youth ministry success test, choose instead to up the ante when it comes to the friendship/family tenor of your ministry.
All in,
Paul said it best in 1 Corinthians 4:14-15, "I am not writing this to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand instructors in Christ, you do not have many fathers." Don't those verses pierce your soul?
Not only that, but let's take it a step further. While there are a lot of great youth communicators and youth ministry CEO's out there, the years have taught me that it's not been my communication skills or the size of my ministry that people I've impacted reference, but "how the Jesus Christ inside of me made them feel" as I became an adopted "big sis" or "spiritual mom."
Bottom line, one of the most eternally significant things you can do is to stir up inside of you the heart of a spiritual parent. In addition to hearing some sobering stats, listen in and get insight on how to live this out.
Lovingly,
In our youth ministry, Oxygen, "family" is a big deal. In fact, we intentionally "do" things each week to make our environment feel less like a "church auditorium" and more like a "family room." And, every once in awhile, we'll even take an extended amount of time to "verbally" remind our students why "family" is such an integral part of our DNA. This Source, "The Family Room," was one of those nights designed to refresh our students' memories on what it looks like to take care of each other well.
Using the visual of a "friendship sandwich" to make the message stick, we look to John 15:12-17 where Jesus lays out what it means to "love one another, just as He has loved us." Drawing upon an opening skit that will make you laugh, a TV family montage that will bring back fond memories, a heart-wrenching story that will fill your eyes with tears, and a fun closing that will not too easily be forgotten, I pray this stirs up or rekindles a desire in your students to live and love in such a way that the world rises up and takes notice.
Lovingly,
In this month's Source, "Ride or Die," I'm sharing 4 keys to friendship success with our students in an effort to up-the-ante on our life groups. The title is pretty obviously taken from the Fast And Furious movies, starring the late Paul Walker. It just means, "You're my friend WHATEVER THE PRICE TAGS. I'm sticking with you NO MATTER WHAT."
Friendship is a huge deal in the spiritual formation of teenagers. Proverbs 27:17 & 19 tells us, "Just like iron sharpens iron, so does a man make his friend sharper...Just as water mirrors the look of one's face, so does one man mirror back the heart of his friend." This is a great resource to raise the bar for friendship evangelism in any youth family.
Ride or Die,
