Your #1 Enemy in Youth Ministry
Do you have EGR's in your ministry? You know, those "Extra Grace Required" kids? When we moved to Atlanta after leaving a ministry of 1,000 students a week in Sacramento, the small group of bored kids in the youth group here was a real wake-up call.
The first EGR was a guy who literally fell asleep (and snored!) in the second row while I was speaking. The second EGR was a guy who upended my closing story by sauntering down the center aisle, then crawling over his friends to get to an open seat, all the while laughing. The third EGR was a middle school girl who pretended to have a seizure halfway through the meeting. She was a horrible fake, rolling around on the floor like the Gadarene demoniac. But the icing on the cake came during my closing prayer, when a fully outfitted rescue squad rushed into the room to "administer aid" to the girl.
It was a conspiracy of failure, and I was left battling those sneering voices inside my head that decided a long time ago that I'm a loser. So what do I do when those voices are starting to win me over?
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Remind yourself that our Enemy uses mind games as his #1 strategy to get us out of youth ministry. It's normal to feel attacked by accusations of failure, discouragement, inadequacy, and frustration – we all deal with this stuff.
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Remember that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am," and Solomon said, "As a man thinks, so is he." You can take charge of your emotions by taking charge of your thoughts. Researchers say that 75 percent of our mental self-talk is negative. So willfully refuse to replay negative situations over in your mind. Our self-talk is "make it or break it." In the midst of his political struggles, Abraham Lincoln said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." (I highly recommend, The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry.)
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Be nice to yourself. When you feel assaulted by negative thoughts, proclaim it National Be Nice to Myself Day (or Hour). Whether it's golf or a long, hot bath, take care of yourself without guilt.
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Remember that when fatigue walks in, faith walks out. The "HALT" principle has always served me well over the years. I try not to take myself too seriously or make major decisions when I'm "Hungry," "Angry," "Lonely," or "Tired."
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Journal your feelings or talk to a trusted friend. Isolation is a hothouse for negative mind games. So when I'm battling my own thoughts, I often journal my feelings to the Lord, or I'll spend time with one or two people who can open the door of the hothouse.
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Remember, "This too will pass." The great spiritual giant, Charles Spurgeon, wrote about battling negative thoughts all the way through his historic ministry. He labeled these times as "the minister's fainting fits." The point is, he didn't give up. The greatest revenge on hell is perseverance.
Do you have EGR's in your ministry? You know, those "Extra Grace Required" kids? When we moved to Atlanta after leaving a ministry of 1,000 students a week in Sacramento, the small group of bored kids in the youth group here was a real wake-up call.
The first EGR was a guy who literally fell asleep (and snored!) in the second row while I was speaking. The second EGR was a guy who upended my closing story by sauntering down the center aisle, then crawling over his friends to get to an open seat, all the while laughing. The third EGR was a middle school girl who pretended to have a seizure halfway through the meeting. She was a horrible fake, rolling around on the floor like the Gadarene demoniac. But the icing on the cake came during my closing prayer, when a fully outfitted rescue squad rushed into the room to "administer aid" to the girl.
It was a conspiracy of failure, and I was left battling those sneering voices inside my head that decided a long time ago that I'm a loser. So what do I do when those voices are starting to win me over?
-
Remind yourself that our Enemy uses mind games as his #1 strategy to get us out of youth ministry. It's normal to feel attacked by accusations of failure, discouragement, inadequacy, and frustration – we all deal with this stuff.
-
Remember that Descartes said, "I think, therefore I am," and Solomon said, "As a man thinks, so is he." You can take charge of your emotions by taking charge of your thoughts. Researchers say that 75 percent of our mental self-talk is negative. So willfully refuse to replay negative situations over in your mind. Our self-talk is "make it or break it." In the midst of his political struggles, Abraham Lincoln said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." (I highly recommend, The 4:8 Principle by Tommy Newberry.)
-
Be nice to yourself. When you feel assaulted by negative thoughts, proclaim it National Be Nice to Myself Day (or Hour). Whether it's golf or a long, hot bath, take care of yourself without guilt.
-
Remember that when fatigue walks in, faith walks out. The "HALT" principle has always served me well over the years. I try not to take myself too seriously or make major decisions when I'm "Hungry," "Angry," "Lonely," or "Tired."
-
Journal your feelings or talk to a trusted friend. Isolation is a hothouse for negative mind games. So when I'm battling my own thoughts, I often journal my feelings to the Lord, or I'll spend time with one or two people who can open the door of the hothouse.
-
Remember, "This too will pass." The great spiritual giant, Charles Spurgeon, wrote about battling negative thoughts all the way through his historic ministry. He labeled these times as "the minister's fainting fits." The point is, he didn't give up. The greatest revenge on hell is perseverance.
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Without fail, about the time we've been in youth ministry long enough to have a little perspective...a little seasoning...a little depth, we begin to feel a little disconnected to the youth culture. Like clockwork, the mind games kick in that leave us wondering whether we're "too old," "too uncool" or "too out of touch" for youth ministry. In all reality, nothing could be further from the truth!
We can't, however, just ignore the culture. There are some right choices we can make along the way that will increase our effectiveness and ability to stay connected with today's youth. So join me as I give 10 simple suggestions in this issue of Youth Leader's Coach that will help in "Keeping Yourself Relevant For The Long-Haul."
Lovingly,
As a youth leader, have you ever thought when counseling someone, "If you only knew"? If you only knew that I too wrestle with doubts, insecurities, and mind games. If you only knew that I too struggle with unconquered sin patterns. If you only knew... The reality is that I do know. I know not only because you told me, but also from having faced my own "If you only knew..." challenges.
My heart's desire is that you suffer in silence no longer. Hopefully, this Youth Leader's Coach, "7 Things Youth Pastors Tell Me In Secret," will reach inside that secret place in your heart and provide you with large doses of encouragement, along with valuable wisdom and hope.
Lovingly,
Welcome to God's "Hall of Fame"! We can all feel like a loser more often than we care to admit. There's not one of us that doesn't go through seasons when we feel like our heads are getting kicked in. Whether it's because of fatigue, mind games, doubts, sin, or personal pain, I just wanted to remind you that this is completely normal.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "When You Feel Like A Loser," I'm unpacking some of the ways we can combat seasons of discouragement. I just want you to hear my heart say to you, that when you feel like a loser, you're not alone.
Lovingly Yours,
When people have asked me over the years what the number ONE enemy of my ministry run has been, I have one consistent answer: "My own MIND GAMES!" Statistics tell us that we speak at a rate of 200 words per minute, but think at approximately 1,300 words a minute. That's a lot of "self-talk" going on in my own head. More often than not, the ME inside of my own mind is pretty full of mental battles that could kick me to the curb if I allow them. However, if I choose to take control of my own head, with the help of Christ and His Word, I really can grow past these emotional traps.
That's why this ALLIANCE is a really important one. Ministry for a lot of us can be pretty lonely as we try to navigate through the warzones in our own heads. Our prayer for this Alliance is that it is a safe place for youth pastors and youth leaders to share candidly with each other on this life-impacting topic. In a world of surface level relationships in ministry, please make this ALLIANCE a place of authentic friendship and healing honesty.
How do you hold onto spiritual mileage after a big event? I mean, it's one thing to pray and think you've made spiritual progress after a good service or a powerful retreat. But how do you hold onto that progress…and keep growing? This Source, is about the battling mind games that we all often face after we've made some substantial spiritual gains in our lives. In these times, our thoughts are just something we feel like we can never get away from, never ESCAPE. Sometimes it feels like the landlord of our minds really is a JERK.
Using a memorable illustration, I talk about how it feels to have taunting thoughts knocking on the walls of our minds all the time. I also share key Scriptures we can use to live in peace in the homes of our minds after we've invited the NEW landlord, Jesus Christ, to live there daily.
Lovingly,
