A Leader's Friendship Trinity: CONFIDANTS
There are 3 basic categories of people that you'll interact with if you are a leader.
First in your leadership "Friendship Trinity," there are CONFIDANTS.
- They are RARE. If you have 2 or 3 of them in a lifetime, outside of your family, you are unusually blessed.
- How do we define them? They are FOR YOU...no matter what.
- They know the best and the worst about you....but they are still right by your side.
- You can't BE a DAVID without having a JONATHAN...because he'll be instrumental in unlocking the keys to the Kingdom for you.
- A true confidant will be a mixture of soul-mate and of mentor.
The problem is that most of us spend all of our time with people who are UNDER US leadership-wise. So you are forever FEEDING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FEED YOU. And after months or years of FEEDING THEM, they begin to DRAIN YOU. You've got to have some friends who can FEED YOU, so you can FEED SOMEBODY ELSE. And as a leader, that confidant is someone you can trust to TELL THE TRUTH to...somebody YOU CAN TRUST.
The CONFIDANT is there FOR you...they are WITH YOU whatever happens.
These are the people that being around them is SO COMFORTABLE you can behave like you are BY YOURSELF! That's why you don't' get TIRED of being around your confidants because you don't have to CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THEIR PRESENCE!
Don't forget...in day to day life, JESUS remains that constant, unmatchable FRIEND. He knows you better than you know YOURSELF. So when you're around HIM, you "never have to put anything on." He's a Friend who sticks closer than a brother...through the good times...and through the bad ones.
But remember, even with CONFIDANTS...relational WITHDRAWALS without relational DEPOSITS lead to relational BANKRUPTCY.
There are 3 basic categories of people that you'll interact with if you are a leader.
First in your leadership "Friendship Trinity," there are CONFIDANTS.
- They are RARE. If you have 2 or 3 of them in a lifetime, outside of your family, you are unusually blessed.
- How do we define them? They are FOR YOU...no matter what.
- They know the best and the worst about you....but they are still right by your side.
- You can't BE a DAVID without having a JONATHAN...because he'll be instrumental in unlocking the keys to the Kingdom for you.
- A true confidant will be a mixture of soul-mate and of mentor.
The problem is that most of us spend all of our time with people who are UNDER US leadership-wise. So you are forever FEEDING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FEED YOU. And after months or years of FEEDING THEM, they begin to DRAIN YOU. You've got to have some friends who can FEED YOU, so you can FEED SOMEBODY ELSE. And as a leader, that confidant is someone you can trust to TELL THE TRUTH to...somebody YOU CAN TRUST.
The CONFIDANT is there FOR you...they are WITH YOU whatever happens.
These are the people that being around them is SO COMFORTABLE you can behave like you are BY YOURSELF! That's why you don't' get TIRED of being around your confidants because you don't have to CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR IN THEIR PRESENCE!
Don't forget...in day to day life, JESUS remains that constant, unmatchable FRIEND. He knows you better than you know YOURSELF. So when you're around HIM, you "never have to put anything on." He's a Friend who sticks closer than a brother...through the good times...and through the bad ones.
But remember, even with CONFIDANTS...relational WITHDRAWALS without relational DEPOSITS lead to relational BANKRUPTCY.
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All the statistics affirm that the majority of leaders say they do not even have ONE significant friendship. I'm sure this topic is more "center-stage" for me because of my wonderful husband's stroke and his inability to communicate with me now in the manner we've enjoyed for the past 46 wonderful years of our marriage. But I am ever so grateful that I've cultivated a few significant female friendships who were super important in my life before my husband's stroke...now, even more.
In this month's Youth Leader's Coach, "What Ever Happened To Real Adult Friendship?," I'm navigating the concept of covenant friendship as illustrated in the Old Testament through the story of David and Jonathan. What a pivotal lesson in a lonely leadership world!
Lovingly,
When people have asked me over the years what the number ONE enemy of my ministry run has been, I have one consistent answer: "My own MIND GAMES!" Statistics tell us that we speak at a rate of 200 words per minute, but think at approximately 1,300 words a minute. That's a lot of "self-talk" going on in my own head. More often than not, the ME inside of my own mind is pretty full of mental battles that could kick me to the curb if I allow them. However, if I choose to take control of my own head, with the help of Christ and His Word, I really can grow past these emotional traps.
That's why this ALLIANCE is a really important one. Ministry for a lot of us can be pretty lonely as we try to navigate through the warzones in our own heads. Our prayer for this Alliance is that it is a safe place for youth pastors and youth leaders to share candidly with each other on this life-impacting topic. In a world of surface level relationships in ministry, please make this ALLIANCE a place of authentic friendship and healing honesty.
This Alliance, "A Leader's Friendship Trinity: Navigating Your Friendships in Ministry," is quite possibly one of the most important resources you will have heard in a while. The truth of the matter is that friendships are hard in ministry, especially for ministry leaders. The problem is that most of us spend all of our time with people who are under us as leaders. So we are forever FEEDING PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FEED US. I think this resource is worth its weight in gold. So please don't miss it. I talk about understanding the 3 categories of friends that all ministry leaders invariably have…and what you can expect from all of them.
